Just typing the subject line made my stomach drop and my heart race; waiting to see my baby girl’s heartbeat felt like the longest ten days of my life. The thought of not seeing it was all I could focus on. While I tried to stay positive during the first few weeks of our GC’s pregnancy, it was tough not to focus on how terrified both Edder and I were that our hearts would shatter again.
The entire week leading up to the 6 week, 3-day ultrasound I was a hot mess of fear, anxiety, worry and tears. This hopeful mama-to-be could hardly stand the wait; I think my palms were a sweaty mess the entire ten days.
Finally, it was time to see if our baby girl had made it; to see if she had a beating heart. My GC and I waited in the fertility clinic ultrasound room for what felt like hours. When our doctor walked in I honestly thought I was going to pass out.
Thankfully everyone else in the room was calm as I stared intently, palms sweating, stomach churning looking at that monitor. Waiting. As the ultrasound began I held my breath and then before the doctor could even say the words, I saw it.
And just like that, with a little black and white flicker, my world changed.
The most perfect flicker I have ever seen in my life. After I saw it, just to double check, I asked the doctor “is that it?” She confirmed it was. She did not want to listen or measure the heartbeat since baby girl was still so young and delicate. That was fine by me.
I asked the doctor to keep conducting the ultrasound so I could grab the Edder, who was in the waiting room, he HAD to see it. With tears in my eyes, I ran out of the room, leapt in the air at the nurses station yelling “WE HAVE A HEARTBEAT, WE HAVE A HEARTBEAT” and motioned Edder to come in and see. As uncomfortable as he was in the ultrasound room at the time, he agreed. He joined us for a few seconds to see his daughter’s heartbeat first hand.
Our physician finished up the scan, gave me some photos and I hugged her SO HARD. Then we sat down as she asked if I had any questions. I had only one question, what were the chances of miscarriage after seeing the heartbeat.
Five percent, with the age of my egg and seeing the heartbeat our miscarriage rate was five percent. It is making me well up even now just remembering that moment. My GC said my face completely changed after our doctor told me that. All I felt was a welcome relief.
Over the next few days, we watched the video of her thumping little heart endlessly. So proud of our little beanbag who beat the odds and grew so strong.
Hurdle number three of four complete. On to the next and last hurdle before we finally felt true relief, graduation from the infertility clinic and first trimester.